02/10/20 - YES GOOD

Mood PUMPED icon PUMPED
Tags Gratitude

I feel so freaking good today. Instead of writing an incomprehensible post of keyboardsmash, I will explain why like an adult human who speaks English. In my original BuJo I had a Gratitude section, and of course I almost immediately abandoned. Well, the blog now has a Gratitude tag for when I need to reflect on positive things.

  1. I am in that mildly euphoric state that occurs when you get over a lingering illness and you are rexperiencing what it feels like to feel Normal. OH MY GOD, you think, not-sick feels sooooOOoooO good why didn’t I appreciate this before thank you baby Jesus I can’t believe I

  2. This is slightly premature, but I don’t care: I think I have conquered my gastro problems. I don’t want to discount the low-FODMAP diet, which I was on for about 6 weeks and I think made a huge difference, but more recently I began having kefir (probiotics) for probable gut flora imbalance and I made two significant non-dietary changes, I cut my food intake by about half and I resolved to eat more slowly. Reducing meals kind of sucks, because I am hungry much of the time, and kefir made me nauseous at first (which enlightened health blogs such as Livestrong informed me meant its arcane food magicks were “working”), but I’ve eliminated most of my symptoms as a result. I’m optimistic I can actually return to a unrestricted diet if I keep portions small. If anyone ever comments on me eating blueberries slowly, one at a time, I will punch them in the face, as is my right and mandate.

  3. And that led to me cooking again, and exploring new recipes, which I haven’t done in years. On low-FODMAP I could no longer simply eat whatever was convenient, I had to make food that met specific criteria, so now I no longer care if I’m only cooking for myself, I just cook what I want and it’s great and everyone else can fend for themselves or eat out of a can or whatever. I’m currently very into rice dishes with egg cooked on top (things like nasi goreng).

  4. I finished the large coding commission and agonized over the invoice, like always. I don’t want to short-change myself, my time and expertise obviously valuable, but I still go through my devlog and ask, yes but is this really a $X added class? And so on. I tend to spend more time on the code than I should, because I’m me, so I don’t necessarily want to do a strictly by-hour charge and pass that on to the client, and I still feel weird about making money on what amounts to an “enjoyable hobby.” I am aware that this idea my labor only has value if I’m suffering is part of America’s toxic work ethic, thanks for your concern. I actually have a cost calculator I use that makes commission invoices cut and dried, but I always end up hemming and hawing over the final invoice and whittling down charges here and there. With the agony of sending out an invoice comes the obvious reward: a cash infusion to my mad money stash, which is what I use to buy hobby supplies and media, just in time for the new Animal Crossing game.

  5. Clearing out all the above means I’m ready to focus my undivided attention on the novel outline and boy am I ready. I made two major structural changes recently and watching a story grow, reinforce, and grow again in entirely new and excellent directions is such a rewarding feeling. Novel writing is hell but by gibbity it’s the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I will never tired of it.

There’s more, but those are the main ones. Happy Monday!